Friday, October 30, 2015

put a smile on

Can I tell you something? I feel like there's something wrong with me. This past week, almost every day I came home feeling defeated from the day. Work has been rough. Day after day I deal with the same issues, mostly with the same children. I see kids cry, I see kids making fun of others, I deal with conflict, I deal with sadness. It's not that I don't like my job, sometimes it is just hard. The kids I work with make me laugh, they make me see the good in the world. I wish we could be more innocent like them. But some other stuff that is going on with work has me wondering, has me thinking that I will not be doing this kind of work long-term.

 One night, after a strain of terrible events, I had a breakdown. It was bad. I cried. I screamed. I sobbed. I sat on the bathroom floor crying, with the door locked because I was embarrassed to let me husband see me in the state that I was in. I threw my hair brush on the floor and it smashed. Eventually I came out and went back to our bedroom where we had previously been and I cried some more. 

And then my husband, my love, said some pretty amazing words: 

we need to get out of the apartment. we need to get you something to eat.

At this moment in my life, nothing is exactly how I wanted it to be. I didn't think it would be like this, but I don't mind it right now because I know that there are a couple things that I don't enjoy, there are couple of things I need to work towards obtaining, there are a couple of things I would like to learn more about and I need to continue to find satisfaction in what I do have and the successes that I achieve. However, there is one thing that I know I wouldn't, couldn't or ever want to change. Knowing that I am a Daughter of Heavenly Father, I will be able to overcome all of the daily frustrations I have and the pain I feel some days. I know that I can achieve all things through Him.

My husband continues to teach me this and continues to be my rock as I carry on this journey. I want to be able to support him as he studies and continues to provide for our family. Thanks for taking me out for pizza Haig Pinsent. you + me + pizza = love.

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