Monday, August 29, 2016

Ultrasound, August 25th

My anxiety is still out of control this pregnancy. On Thursday morning, August 25th we had our routine 18-20 week ultrasound. Our technician was very nice and surprised to hear we didn't want to know the gender. We watched as she took lots of pictures of our baby's spine, belly, bladder, legs, arms, hands, feet and so on. I was very worried about how curved our baby's spine looked. She seemed to take a lot of pictures of it too, which didn't help my concern anymore. I asked about it and she said it was completely fine. The same thing happened with the baby's left foot. Baby's toes looked very curved inward towards their foot. I asked about this too and she said it was just the current position of baby's toes. After a little while, she told us that she wasn't going to be able to take the necessary pictures of baby's face and heart. We ended up having to go on two walks around the hallway and out to the main lobby of the hospital and I made a couple trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder. After a third attempt to reposition baby, she told us we would be scheduled for a second ultrasound in two weeks. 

Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant, I just don't know why I literally can't stop worrying about everything. Recently my pregnancy insecurities and worries even caused some conflict in a couple of personal relationships.I just don't know what else to do. I try so hard every day to love and care for baby. I pray for a healthy baby and to rely on faith and hope to get my through these worries. Most days, they still prevail. I know things probably won't change much once I have that sweet baby in my arms, but at least then I will have them with me. At least then I will be able to say to myself that I did it and everything was okay. I'm not trying to put my burden on anyone else. I don't feel like I'm begging anyone for support. I don't think I'm shutting anyone out. I don't want to make it hard for people to love me because I am struggling right now. I just need people to be kind and nice, and I will do the same. 

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