skin

September 2015/September 2016 

I found myself in tears this week as I looked at a picture of myself from this time last year. My skin looked so clear. There was no filter on this picture, no distortion. I was amazed because all the previous acne scaring I had was gone. My skin was fresh and it didn't even look like I needed any make-up on. Then, I walked into the bathroom and looked at my face now. Pregnancy has certainly played with my hormones and my skin. I look awful. I am blotchy, bumpy dry and flaky.

I never wanted to go on a medication during pregnancy. Almost two months ago, I started a prescription called Clindets. It really has not helped much. My skin will have a couple of good days and then flare up again. I am currently dealing with a flare up situation and the timing could not be worse. Is it really too much to ask that I want to look nice around my friends and family over a holiday weekend? My knuckles are also starting to get very dry with the change of season. I feel like every time I walk by a mirror I cringe because my makeup looks too heavy on my face or that my foundation is making my skin look too pale.

But I think the hardest part about all this is that pregnancy looks seems to look so nice on everyone else and especially on social media. I see beautiful maternity pictures day after day and just wish pregnancy made me feel beautiful. Now, I KNOW that these women don't always feel beautiful. I know women who have struggled with hyperemesis gravidarum, sciatica, have been put on bed rest and women that have gone into preterm labor. I believe that we all have our own personal struggles. I am not trying to say that anything is harder than another, but my struggle with pregnancy and hormonal acne has been really hard.

Maybe it is selfish to wish that my skin could be flawless at a time when my body is changing physically to grow a human life, but I wish I could at least feel comfortable walking out of the house without make-up on or not having to take 15 minutes with a skin care routine before bed. I know I will look back on this someday too and realize how minuscule it was in the grand scheme of things, I mean, I am growing a littler human inside of me after-all. But like I said already, this is all still very hard for me. I am trying to feel more confidant in myself and I am going to trust in my nurses and health practitioners that will able to provide more relief and solutions to this problem after baby arrives in my arms.